Creation, Destruction

I don't want half of what I have. But the question is: will I take it with me anyway only so that someone else isn't hurt that I don't use their gift?
Can't we just forgoe our emotional attachment to things? It would make having to pack so much easier.

So there's this guy. Let's call him Andrew. Ok, so he's hungry and in debt and on the streets and looking all mopey when a guy comes up, we'll call him Nathan. So Nathan looks at him and his heart is moved. So he goes out and buys Andrew a fish, gives it to him, and leaves with a word of blessing. Andrew eats it gratefully and is happy for a bit.
But the next day he is hungry again and still in debt. So this time he thinks, Why don't I learn how to fish so I can get fish everyday? So he goes down to the dock and sees a guy walking back from his boat with a bucket full of fish. We'll call him Chandler. So Andrew goes up to him and says, "Can you teach me how to fish?" And Chandler takes a look at him and laughs, "You? Look at your phisique! Your arms are way too weak. But I suppose you could work out or something. What about your pole? Do you even have a pole?"
"Well no but I-"
"No no, that's definately a must. And if you want to catch anything good you had better get a Bassmaster Pro 185. It's probably the best pole out on the market. Anything else just isn't worth using."
Chandler looked him up and down, "Look, it's nice that you want to learn to fish but I just don't think you are made to. You'd do better to learn to pick up people's garbage or do janitorial work or something. I mean, maybe years and years from now you might have enough money."
So Andrew thanked him for being honest and left the dock to go back to where he was sitting because he knew he would never have enough money to get a nice rod or a boat and so he gave up on that idea.
Soon after that a young girl came up to Andrew. We'll call her Wendy.
"I saw you asking that guy: you want to learn to fish?" she said.
"Yea, well I did, but I don't have the money really."
"What? Don't be ridiculous." and so she spent the rest of the day with Andrew crafting a small rod and they went out near the docks and fished and she showed him all the tricks and techniques. And then the next day Wendy came back and fished with Andrew all day again.
And everyday after that in fact.

mind and body

Lately I have been trying to expand my musical library. 6 cds in 2 days? You might say I'm suceeding but it is really only 3 new bands.
Ugh, music is such an issue.
If I ever record stuff I don't think I would feel comfortable asking for money for it because art should be free and why should I be paid for things I love to do?
But I will (albiet grudgingly) pay for cds in the store and don't even like getting them free off file-sharing networks. I do want to support bands but I don't feel like a musician should expect support.
Whatever happened to having practical skills and letting that be your job?
I feel so cheated: no one taught me how to fix things around the house or even how a house works, no one taught me how to garden, no one taught me how to fix a car, no one taught me anything physical.
I have been taught to think and explain and reason and love.
But what am I supposed to do?

Role call

I'm really not in the mood to post. I am tired, bitter, cranky, and feeling humid and gross right now. So less than anything is my need to post right now. But I am going to inflict myself upon you anyway.
Actually I just want to ask who reads this. So when you read this post either comment in the thing or send me an email if you don't know how to comment. I just am curious to see.

I am in trouble...

Omigosh my room is halfway decently organized! Freak out immediately!
Now if the charger for my camera would miraculously reappear like...right now on my back as I lay here typing-
*waits*...nothing
-then I could take a picture of it and show your disbelieving eyes the truth! Don't doubt! It only leads to fear. And we know fear leads to anger. And anger leads to hate. And hate....leads to suffering!
So don't doubt me when I say if you had ever seen a room of mine in the past and you saw this one you would either be completely astounded or slightly bemused depending on how you take suprising things. Also, if you had seen my room at Broadview senior year you probably wouldn't be amazed as I think that was my greatest accomplishment at room organizing. Even if I did steal the desk idea from Oscar. I perfected it!!
But this room, aside from lacking a place to put a few random items now on my bed as well as my awesome autographed guitar, it has things neatly (I stress this) put away.
<inside joke>a-............astounding.</inside joke>
Anyway, today I have to get a haircut (blegh) and also enact my devious, daring, and brilliant plan. It will involve money and, I am assuming, paitience. But time and money well spent I believe.
SO after yet another night of little / no sleep, I must be off to busybee about!
bzzzzzzz

breaking radio silence

My quiet two weeks is nearly at an end! And in the final few moments a few smatterings of contact appear only to further fuel my exitement. I am as giddy as a silly schoolboy. How utterly ridiculous.
Once again I have stayed up the night. But hey, it's mostly because I stayed up the last night and then slept until 5pm. So it doesn't count: I'm on a normal schedule just transposed.
GMT +12.00
My guitar freshly strung, I have written two new songs, complete with words and everything! And I've decided that one of my older songs needs Avi's cello playing to add to the mood. That will take me actually recording the song though and that will be all of infinite days to wait through.
My camera battery still dead, I haven't taken any new pictures. After the trip to Seattle I swear I could have killed anyone who mentioned my lack of camera. Not that anyone ever mentioned me not having a camera, but I'm sure if someone did I would have been pissy with them. Plus you poor readers here at PP don't get to see my latest door sign. I know, I know: your favorite treat.
Speaking of coffee, I could really go for a cup before my eyelids decide to revolt.
No more words
/span

speak up, you, I'm a little hard of hearing

Years of listening to music at full blast and singing along, sometimes playing guitar along loud enough to hear over said music, coupled with the fact that my right ear basically points directly at the hole of the guitar, has finally caught up with me.
Maybe I'm being paranoid and I have a simple ear infection, but those hurt a lot right? What about when your ear just keeps ringing and is muffled?
I thought maybe it was earwax build up or something else but I can't keep fooling myself that I have had earwax build up for the past few months, off and on.
It's ok if I'm right though, I expected it. It's not like I could get away with enjoying music that much.

Reluctant Air Travel

As you may notice, I have finally finished reading The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky (if you care to know, it was sad and tragic as well as depressingly plausible to boot).
I did this in the first leg of my sadly obligatory journey back to the non-home of Chicago. Which was unfortunate because it turned out that I had another 6 hour long leg still to go. And Peg ran out of juice after the first hour of that.
Speaking of Peg, while she was still good and running I finally listened to and liked the new Coldplay X&Y. Not that I didn't expect it, it just finally happened. But as to specifically the title track X&Y, I was half asleep and half day-dreamed half night-dreamed that I was in a little plane that flew into a billboard and I fell to the ground as the burning fuselage floated about me, watching some guy scream to his death a little in front of me. All the while the chorus of X&Y playing, somehow eerily appropriate sounding: enough to make me not afraid at all but more completely absorbed with the feeling of it all.
I swear I'm not morbid.
It's not like during my trip to Portland I considered how perfect it would have been if the plane crashed because I was talking with the people to either side of me and had made a lame connection. Psh, what do you take me for? Some sort of...morbid person?
Also, if you've ever been in a plane on the runway while it is bucketing rain outside tell me you weren't extremely concerned for a brief instant as creepy white smoke poured in from the walls and ceiling.

Staying up til 7am is the way to go!

Don't you stay up til 7am? Why not? Are you sick?
If you have DSL/Cable/anything not dialup I would highly reccomend seriously considering buying a microphone for your computer and getting rid of your phone. MSN or Skype does the same thing but FOR FREE.
I bet you feel like a sucker now. Having paid for your phone service. Psh, chump.
The next form I have to fill out that asks for my home phone number I am totally going to put in my Skype user name.

"I just want to enjoy myself"

"What do you mean you, 'pass out after 6 beers'?
You're such a girl...
I'm trying to help you see you're wasting your life..."

he says as a myriad of flies beat against the window, longing for a chance at feasting on the rot, teasingly close, sitting inside with a smile.

(see the original writing)

"What not to say on a first date"

Who honestly needs to be told not to discuss "kink" on the first date? Who would want to all of a sudden leap into a discussion of how eating apricot jelly out of someone's toes totally turns you on...with a stranger at that.

"Could you pass me the ketchup?"
"Sure thing, hey, speaking of...I know we've only known eachother for like a few hours, but I would love to smear some all over you and slowly lick it off. Kinda gets me off"

Oh yeah, you've totally got a chance now, buddy. And even if she's into it and you do have one, the fact still remains that youre both sex-craving maniacs.
I swear, America is just one big, horny teenager.

(this was in response to an article in a newspaper telling what not to say on a first date)
(see the original writing)

Shine: the weather's fine

Let's all be comfortable in our yards. Get a tan under the sun, but when it gets too hot, pop up the deck umbrella, we'll sit in the shade and read magazines. Drop crumbs from our coffee cake and nurse a cup of "joe". Wipe our lips and lean back in purest bliss.
Let's all think back. How long did it take? Did you go through college? What was your degree? Did you do well? 4.0 average? At least close? Ha.
What was your first job? Did you work hard at it? I bet you did, you're sitting in that garden now, surveying your domain with pride. Pride well earned, friend, pride well earned. Moved up the corporate ladder fast I'll bet! Took off like a streak, took oppurtunities, took the time, took what you saw in front of you.
And now, after how many hard years?, you sit and relax! Don't stop! you've earned it. Time well earned, friend, time well earned.
You've spent 30+ years of your life clawing at monetary and materialistic gain and you've used it all to furnish and decorate and perfect your little kingdom so you can worry no more.
Until someone from outside comes knocking. As long as they don't tread mud on your floor, they're fine. But if so much of a speck of their dirt gets about they had better watch it: you'll release the hounds so fast they won't know what hit them. No lower class belong in your kingdom. The damned lazy bastards. Trying to live off of your hard-earned joy, your hard-earned pride. Have they no shame? Don't they have any drive to succeed? Any-
No, no, forget it. They are out there and of their own doing: sit back in your palace and relax. There you go:
Ahh, forget all those lonely people.

Deviously Annoying

Well, I finally have gotten a DeviantART account.
Yep...
I could blab on about how I feel now or what I think about DeviantART so far or something, but I care too much about your poor neurons. There's already Emo on the radio to deal with, you don't need some college kid who just likes taking pictures of stuff writing tomes about his inner feelings or insecurities. If you want that, search through blogger or LiveJournal for a bit; I'm sure something will come up satisfying enough for ya.
I'm supposed to be in bed. "Ah but," you say, "you ARE in bed, Mssr!" (you say Mssr. because you are inevitably French. Or you are trying to sound extra cultured. Kudos). Anyway you say I am already in bed and, shock and suprise!, I am. But I was referring to that state of being that when one is in, one says one is "in bed". I was not being literal, silly you!
You take me too seriously!
...
I have every right to be entirely ridiculous like this: it's 5AM and I haven't gotten enough sleep.
Break! I need a break! Give me a break!
*hums the KitKat theme song*

40,000 feet

Once again, my meal arrives first and suffers only in that its cookies are aimed at the more health oriented. Touting "6 Granen-Cereals" and "Al het goede van de volle graankorrel."
So the cookies are from Germany and the pizza; a 4 inch monster consisting of mainly crust with a light touch of sauce; centered and encased in cheese; hails directly from the pizza capitol of the wor- well, at least the USA; Chicago.
But she's lying, it's her "seat-side" manner; I know: pizza like this would be afraid to show it's thick and warmthless face anywhere near the great barons of pizzery in Chicago.
At least they aren't out of Coke yet.
Hit me, I almost fell asleep back there watching the icebergs float by as some pop pianist played Träumerei by Schumann.
I would have been watching "A Day on the Planet" or "In Good Company" but it seems only the Japanese get that honor.
And the most interesting pick would definately have to have been "What the Bleep Do We Know?"
But according to the guiding inflight entertainment magazine, no one gets to watch that. They just like taunting us more intellectual and artistic types with brilliant sounding films before going, "Ha ha! Just Kidding! Instead of a 'part documentary, part story, part elaborate series of special effects...film that blurs the lines between traditional film genres...' here's 'Racing Stripes'! And 'The Notebook'! Woo!...Nah we're just kidding again: here's 'About a Boy', you'll love that."
Don't make me have to open this lost-lunch bag and ruin this post.
Yes, I don't have paper readily available, so I improvise.
Although Miss "Real Chicago Pizza!" probably would have gotten me some had I asked nicely. Oh well.
Dammit, my ice is melting.

(see the original writing)

For Sale:

18; male; in the 5 foot range, nearer to 6 than not; nice healthy brown hair but unkempt, long and with a beard; brown eyes; not perfect physical condition, has had some wear and tear, has a small gut, not much arm strength; wears bracelets, a wooden cross necklace, sometimes draws on hand, is going to have a tatoo of a cross on left thumb; can play guitar decently, not as much into actual writing of music but is improving in that; writes poetry, rumblings, thoughts, things; has read many books both classical and modern, is reading many books currently, and has a long list of books still planning to be read, reads quickly but in short bursts (like sprinting), loves to read aloud for people; listens to tons of music, prefers things with some sort of musical quality but if it is exiting and/or entertaining then will probably like it, often sings along to get the full force of the feeling; enjoys talking about nearly everything but will not gossip, discusses things until is not confused by it anymore, loves to help people understand things that he believes he understands, tries to please people within limits, prefers people laughing and happy to grave and serious but can handle it, will be open and social with people he has known for a while but can't be like that with strangers so is instead friendly and curteous, fears insulting people; requires some form of physical comfort but doesn't like to be phsyical with people he does feel something for due to correlations between physicality and love in his mind; believes love is the most important thing, the main focus that all should have; has studied basic comparative religions including Buddhism, Judaism, and Muslim, the Roman Empire and why it fell, has made some conclusions about the transition between the last great empire in the West and current Europe, knows a bit of American history, but none of the previous with enough knowledge to have watertight arguments; focuses on the beauty of things and aesthetics; enjoys nature (long walks on the beach and strolls through the woods); above all requires decent social interaction not only for enjoyment but because talking helps to formulate ideas into language; stays up late and sleeps in 'til noon; for further information contact Aaron Altman at fateduel[at]hotmail.com

There you go, you fucking world, what am I worth to you?
Oh really? That much?
Well guess what. You're too fucking late, I've already been boughten.
You can't have me. I don't fucking care if you want me or not.
So you need to back the fuck off from me because:
I belong to God: to Love
So, so much for your "tempting" calls of money and material riches, I'm not interested. You can shove whatever shit you want in my face but I'm not going to pay attention anymore.
So really, for your own sake, try to forget me.

PS: people who live in this world: don't worry; I wasn't talking to you. I was using a literary technique called personification. Fancy, no?

$3,525.67

And here I thought I was doing this as a colossal waste of time. I thought I was simply blabbing on and on about nothing.
Random thoughts typed out for anyone's interest.
But no, my blog does not simply sit there doing nothing but possibly make people laugh or think; no longer!
Some clever entreprenuer has realised my blog's vast potential for fake money.
Brilliant.

A junk email I recieved

Suley and me, we don't dig the yoga. I know everybody's all about the yoga tape tended to be the belly dancing ones -- hip circles, rib circles -- so maybe that will be belly butter. Inevitably, you will lick it, and it will be belly butter. Cocoa butter tastes nothing like cocoa or butter, by the end of this. Oh, and I got the video recommended by several of you guys have a favorite? Me (holding up orange paint chip): " evilegg says we should paint Suleiman's room this color." Tad (sarcastically): "Oh, well if evilegg says it, then obviously we should do it right away!" Me: "And wyckhurst agrees." Tad: "Oh! Great! Let's let those two make our decisions from now on! Next thing you know, we'll be living in the car and drive there and get one. Of course, that made Tad all proud because "he's so strong." Yeah, and guess what? On vegetarian food, buddy! Suley demanded protein, so he wasn't as grouchy about being disturbed. He's still obviously the handsomest baby in the day so he wasn't as grouchy about being disturbed. He's still obviously the handsomest baby in the car and drive there and get hush puppies and slaw and a pickle I stole from Bill) and suddenly I realized I *had* to have a Swiss Cake Roll and wondering if it was later in the Star-off Machine with the Sneetches!" I just had a big salad with boiled eggs, two kinds of cheese and creamy dressing. Envy us! We went to Babies R Us and looked around, ascertaining one important fact: tape tended to be supermom. My main motivation is pure stinginess. I hear from kitsch_witch sounded great. Then I fled in terror. Add it to the day. He was moving and squirming but not as aggressively as the 12-week ultrasound, probably because it was later in the day so he and I got into the turn lane and signaled right. And, when I went out today, I had to jump in the Star-off Machine with the Sneetches!" I just had a big salad with boiled eggs, two kinds of cheese and creamy dressing. Envy us! We went to Babies R Us and looked around, ascertaining one important fact: We don't plan to shop at Babies R Us. Why? We don't plan to shop at Babies R Us. Why? We don't know. Weird vibe, high prices, stuff we can't imagine wanting or needing. wardrobe - and it shows However, you can show some restraint. You love good deals. Your love of the clearance rack has paid off... You probably have only maxed out card or two, if at all! Are You a today....but none that we will have John Deere garters on all the time. not much going on. met up with mike in wausau today...we hung out...enjoyed the weather...went and saw Dodgeball. it gets a rating of 'meh' from me. although...it does win the Stanley Cup E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is the top of the times. after dinner mike and i went to see her face, she would lick her toothless mouth when talkign about the hot guys, rub her hands together excitedly....this poor guy with a new thing he learned in class that we could play bingo at the casino...turns out they have it in the best situations. your last entry was greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. i feel sorry for you and brian found something to do! we'll go out next week or something. jmen i put my foot down. he said you have to work and got a big kids meal with a spiderman toy that looks like a sperm cell. i'm going to talk mike into going to be a duck...mike and i went to the top or something and use it to expand the possibilities of summertime laziness. a man came into osco today, told me that marlon brando died, and then did a really great impression of him... safe_risk made me the money if he was going to blow them up...just keep them as a momento of the US charts Cheers , Family Ties , Silver Spoons , and Fame premiere What Happened the Year You Were Born? More cool things for your blog at Blogthings so i wave back... then i realize it was just hot out and play i think i have funny stories from work i just want to know who did it. ....i mean. i liked it a lot) he gave me a brownie'. and he was cooling off.) speaking of symbolic animals....we spent a good half hour...then a helicopter The 'Garden State' soundtrack. Good stuff - to go get eric from work & look for my house key in our car... argh, another concert missed. i better not miss the mum concert on the floor instead... but i came back to work at 7 in the "your message part that you want to vote for her here just put a valid e-mail and write in the near future. hmmmm... it has been a very long time since i really wanted to get a job so that i can think to say that everyone will be a different amount for anyone who works a shift that is looking for a month without being does anyone know someone that is looking for a place to live in a battle of the bands competition and while her music is good enough to win on it's own, you should be nice and vote for her here just put a valid e-mail and write in the "your message part that you want to vote for her song "king pin", which you can listen to here my car is still undrivable right now. i've been waiting for! 36 minutes of wonderful sounds! now i need to fill it relatively soon. i found this scottish website that does age morphing on photos to predict what people might look like after blah amount of years. they have this sample java appelet & alow you to upload your face & alter it to different looks, like "baby", "afro-carribean", & a few plants for him/her, & maybe a rock or two, make some sort of background for the workload, but i came home & the convention. well, i will be making at least two days before it is due. i would have started it then, but i need to be working from noon to midnight, and then i'll be able to take care of bocca & go to work. What Egyptian Deity are you? go to: the quiz! "You're Amun. Amun was known as the hiding god, sometimes to the lack of responses to my math so that i missed the mice parade concert on the floor instead... but i have fought back nearly all of the hair that once invaded my face. but i do not know how much longer my forces can keep it at bay... on a completly different subject, which some people will not care about, alex has finally completed an entire anime series on dvd. i speak of course of NieA_7, which is wonderful, even though nothing really happens... i also found out/remembered that i share with two others tim & shareef and i'm pretty sure i mispelled his name. well, it's now midnight & i have to purchase an album to make up for it... that's all that goes on at the copyroom, which i'm overjoyed about: "Suffice to say that everyone will be making at least $7/hour or more. The weekend differential will no doubt be very useful and i'll be back to the does anyone know someone that is looking for a month without being broke. night snack and a nick at night cosby show marathon. sadly it seems that japanese is full, i probably won't be able to take care of bocca & go to work. What Egyptian Deity are you? go to: the quiz! "You're Amun. Amun was known as the hiding god, sometimes to the point of being considered invisible. While you might have your talents, you prefer to keep them to yourself. You created yourself, and you remain scared... sort of... i finally got to see the royal tenenbaums! what a wonderful movie. i've got internet access at home... yeehaw. hmmmm... i was about to write about my trip last month to a-kon in dallas, which i found boring and somewhat scary, but that's just about all i can get more. tomorrow i plan on calling to find out about that job as a video editor. *yawn* i am too tired to sew pants... my cat is knocking stuff off my counter space. she is hyper, i am tired, hear me snore. hola, i have fought back nearly all of the hair that once invaded my face. but i might look really strange doing that... i was bored. and now i'm going to drive down to college station to pick up my friend rick & in return i get miyazaki films. this is good. i only
----------------------------------------------
This delights me in so many ways.
I will give cookies to whoever can decipher it by correctly reorganizing it into coherant thoughts.
(I'm serious)

all is fair

I have realised recently that I don't breathe right. I take tiny, bated breaths and wait for my brain to hurt from lack of oxygen before my instinctual survival programming kicks in and I take heavy and deep sighs to compensate. My chest's pressure goes down too low and it hurts. The cage will lose its structural integrity and collapse in on itself, crushing my poor heart in the process. And the blood will never stop flowing.
I heard you had a sense of humor, but it's not funny God, stop laughing.

>.<

there is no silence says:
congragulate me i finally managed to get myself to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
there is no silence says:
and, fancy that, it makes 3rd on my prestigious list of favorite movies
there is no silence says:
Im actually tempted to move it higher on the list, bumping Amelie and even High Fidelity down but thats such a shocking and dramatic response that it makes me uneasy so i'll leave it at the much more reasonable "3rd place"
there is no silence says:
but yea...it was good...
there is no silence says:
haunting is my one word to describe it
there is no silence says:
for about an hour afterward my mind was so blank and shocked and...i dont quite know how to describe it, but anyway, it was so whatever it was that i went outside in the hopes of climbing a tree and just sitting for the rest of the day
there is no silence says:
unfortunately the trees were all barren, and those that werent are simply not for climbing
there is no silence says:
so i wandered around the campus trying to find somewhere peaceful and separate but there simply isnt anything to beat a tree
there is no silence says:
although a rooftop would have done ok, and i found one, then attempted to climb up top of it
there is no silence says:
but as i stepped carefully on the metal/tin shed roof it cracked slightly so after less than an instant's consideration I got back off
there is no silence says:
and right as i had someone walked past, so the area wasnt really removed enough
there is no silence says:
i had to settle for the student center where i spent the rest of the time up until about 6 staring off into space trying to remember anything
there is no silence says:
but limiting myself to only pictures, no words
there is no silence says:
its not as easy an exercise as one might think
there is no silence says:
for the most part i invent images in my head when i "remember" something because I'm really mainly text based. Pictures that float by are actually reproductions, interpretations, they simply happen to be very near correct.
there is no silence says:
this time however, after a few failed attempts, i managed to actually *see* in memorium little stolen scenes from my room
there is no silence says:
my old room i mean, the one that i havent seen since freshman year, where my dad used to live
there is no silence says:
and it shocked me so much I cried and then lost the moment, being quite unable to reproduce the effect afterwards
there is no silence says:
morale of the story: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is good
there is no silence says:
alternate (and albiet more interesting) morale: remembering clear images of the past is painful but in an odd nostalgic way
there is no silence says:
...those should both be "moral"

fo shizzle

This has to be one of the funniest things I've seen.
Gizoogle - Fo all you beotches who anna find shiznit
And this is what the site does.